I say it every day. Usually a few times a day. Sometimes more! “Feelings are not reality!” But it’s a hard sell when a client is having an awful time of it and their feelings feel just as bad. What we often fail to realize, though, is that there is a third variable in the mix — our thoughts. And our thoughts, and our actions based on our thoughts, do shape reality. Consciousness, you see, not feelings, creates reality.
Suppose you’re having that bad day that I mentioned and you feel absolutely lousy. I’ll give you that. I feel lousy too when I have a bad day. If you track it back though you find that how you feel is in response to the bad day. The bad day happened first, and then you reacted to it. It’s a normal process; we all do it. The order of it, though, is critically important — bad day or experience —> bad feeling.
As automatic a process as it may seem, it doesn’t have to be that way. No matter how bad your day may seem, you do not have to feel bad. There’s no rule that said a bad experience leads to bad feelings. It’s just that things usually work that way because we are unconsciously reacting to what is going on around us instead of consciously choosing a response.
So let’s take the example a step further and change it up a bit. You’re having a bad day. But this time you instead choose to respond consciously rather than reacting unconsciously. You choose to feel good so you look for something to feel good about despite the bad stuff going on. It doesn’t mean the bad stuff isn’t happening, it simply means that is not your point of focus. And lo and behold, you’re have a lousy day but you feel good! You have an aha moment! You get that your experience in this moment and how you feel do not have to co-vary. So, your feelings must be independent of your reality!
As a bonus you learned something else, too. You learned that once you shifted how you were feeling, which you were free to do no matter what was going on in the day, your day suddenly didn’t seem like it was going as badly as it was. You shifted your consciousness, and your experience changed… even though what was going on didn’t change at all! And you got it. “Feelings are not reality. But, my responses — what I choose to be conscious of — are!”
Work it through this week and let us know what you discover! I bet you’ll be surprised. Whether you are surprised or not you will be empowered; and what’s better than empowerment? 🙂
With lots of love and gratitude
from Santa Fe, NM
Dr Mark
PS, We’re in the home stretch for our Spring has Sprung Coaching Special! Remember the Code: Daffodils – for all Transformational Coaching sessions booked now through April 30th. And you can use them anytime during April or after! Click now and allow winter’s transitions to transform your life this spring!
