I had a conversation with my mother yesterday as I do every Sunday. She is 85 years old and lives independently about 1700 miles away. She was telling me about a neighbor who took her to lunch this past week. He paid the bill. My mother’s presumption was that he did that because she made him dinner a week or so before.
My mother and I have conversations like this often. Fairly regularly she needs help with something but knowing that whomever she might ask won’t take anything to do it she doesn’t ask and the task goes undone. “I don’t want to feel obligated.” I see it in others in my family as well; it’s hard to give something without them feeling the need to reciprocate even if that means going without something. And what’s given must be matched dollar for dollar with what is given back. Since I’ve been old enough to think about it, it’s never made much sense to me. And in my journey of Paradise (re)Discovered I’ve been blessed with the choice to see things differently and I’ve learned to act according to how I see things rather than from the program.
Those of you who follow my Paradise (re)Discovered work know that I see life as presenting us with challenges and thus opportunities to discover who we really are, as if for the first time. You know that I believe that we are born knowing who that I Am is… but the well-meaning people who influence us early in life teach us their values and beliefs and morals and biases and, in the process, we “forget” who we really are as we become a clone of these others.
My mom’s talk about obligations, and watching other family members also play out that script that we were all conscripted to learn when we were young, is a perfect example of a challenge that presents an opportunity to re(Discover) who I really am. The inability to receive has been significantly blocked in my family as far back as I can remember, and I can see the consequences in my life of having accepted that truth as long as I did.
One outcome is that over time I have learned to open myself up to receive and, conversely, to give as well — open to really receive and to really give. All without obligations but borne simply of my comfort with allowing, and willingness to allow, others to serve me and my desire to serve others as well. There is never a tally at the end of the day. The giver and receiver do not even have to be the same person; indeed, usually they are not. If a tally is imposed on me by another person the discomfort I experience is a strong reminder of who I Am and a signal to disengage and to clear myself of that energy as well as whatever it was that I put out that attracted such misalignment in the first place.
I Am a work in progress with this of course! As are we all.
Are you open to receive? If not, you are blocking the wealth, health, relationships, job — anything that you truly desire. What gets in the way? When someone gives you something, or at least offers, what do you feel? What do you say? What do you do? If you cannot joyfully, and without obligation, receive the gift of a cup of coffee you cannot allow the perfect love either, or the job, or the health, or the wealth. The universe knows not the size of the gift but your ability to receive any gift. And the universe will never give something back that you are not ready for, including the wealth, health, relationships, or job.
How to get ready? There are lots of things you might try — a mindfulness practice where you ponder the questions above and allow yourself to feel what it means to receive and come to the joy in it. Energy psychology has many techniques as well — EFT, Z-Point, EMDR… I use these with my coaching clients everyday. You take something small, like a cup of coffee. Its energy is the same as a million dollars. And you practice. And of course there’s coaching if you’d like a guide. I’d love to help. Send a note right now and get started!
Remember, receiving and giving are two sides of the same coin. You can only experience one to the degree that you can experience the other. You cannot give if you cannot receive. You cannot receive if you cannot give.
Scroll down and let us know your thoughts! Are you open to receive? Really?
With blessings and great gratitude
from Santa Fe, NM,
Dr Mark
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